Journey's Progress

Those close to me know the depth of grief I've experienced the past 18 months.
I am not cryptic here on purpose, other than for the fact that I choose to protect the privacy of others.  It is a privilege to do so.  For those not so close to me I believe they can handle that.

I had an amazing experience two weeks ago.  I had just texted a friend who is a dear Christian sister to me.  She and her family are making a very noble, life-changing decision.  I texted her that I know the depth of her fears and pain over the situation due to my own recent grief. I wrote that I understand that her pain runs deeper than her ability to express.

After I sent the text I sat at my computer and contemplated what her family is going through.  Out of the blue I became acutely aware of how thankful I am for all the pain of the past two years......my grief as well as life-threatening illness, just two of many circumstances.  I sat here and repeatedly, unrehearsedly told God how very grateful I am for all the heartache.  Not because it is what I felt I was supposed to do, not because the words were rote, but because I feel it with searing sincerity.   Not thankful just IN the grief, but FOR it.  Suffering helps us to conform more to the image of Christ.

I then went on to other things.  I didn't think much about that prayer for a week until it struck me between the eyeballs that THE PAIN OF GRIEF WAS GONE.  My circumstances surrounding The Grief haven't changed....but the pain is absent. 

Some griefs worsen with time.....the farther out they get, the farther those involved have to travel to undue them.  (Translation: cryptic)

To be able to say my pain is gone is something I can't really put into words.  Do I still wish things were different (i.e., The Grief circumstances)?  Of course I do.  However, it is as if I turn my head to look at the past 18 months and I can't feel The Grief because a wall of gratitude has been erected between it and me.

I am not giving a formula here; I wouldn't be so presumptuous.  My grief is not uncommon, and it is, to a point, revocable (though I can do nothing to change it myself).  Most who suffer grief are in situations of "finis loss"-----loss that is final, with no chance of going back in time.  Still, this has been my experience thus is part of my journey.  I do not know what tomorrow will hold regarding the progress......but am so thankful for the change gratitude-with-abandon can bring.

Post Script:
It is March 8, 2018, and I will add that the pain of grief returned, in part due to ongoing medical problems as well as the passage of time.  Some griefs grow more profound the farther you get out from them.....
But, I have been putting the "scale of my trauma" in better perspective; everyone has pain and grief in their lives.  My grief is ambiguous but no longer searingly painful.
Hallelujah.